Mom Versus Career

Finding the balance between being a competent decision-maker, a desirable spouse, and a kick-ass mom.

Family First September 20, 2011

About two weeks ago, I posted this on my Facebook/Twitter accounts:

“Never second-guess yourself when it comes to making your family your first priority.”

I decided to literally and figuratively take a step back. I gave up my title in favor of putting my family first and doing more of what I enjoy doing at work: writing and editing. This was not an easy decision and it was completely contrary to my second post (“There’s Gotta Be Somethin’ More”).

No, it’s not the ideal solution, but it’s the best option given my current situation. Will it be a difficult transition? Likely. Will it cause my peers to view me in a different light? Also, likely. Do I care what they think? Not as much as I care about my family and doing what’s right for us.

For a long time I was struggling with trying to be a Super Mom: the one who can do it all and still has time to make a home-cooked meal every night of the week. Yeah, she doesn’t exist; at least not in my world. I have nothing but complete respect and admiration for those mothers who can do the things I want to do. Please share your secrets with me!

Someone asked me: “Who says you have to pursue your career while your daughter is still young? She’ll be in school for 12 more years. You’ll likely be working for at least another 20 years after she graduates from high school. Plenty of time to pursue your career.”

That may sound like a cop-out to some, but no one had ever presented me with that option. You would think I would have come to that conclusion on my own since my mom did that very thing. But I couldn’t see past my desire to succeed as a career professional, a great mom and an amazing wife.

I don’t need to sacrifice any of those roles, but I need to put them in perspective and assign them appropriate priority. So I did.

This decision did not come easily. I weighed the pros and cons in my life as well as the effect it would have on my team. Overall, I think the solution presented will provide all of us with greater flexibility and a chance to truly work as a team. At least, that is my hope.

A weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I look forward to doing more of what I love and to fostering better relationships with my family and my coworkers. It’s a new day. 🙂

 

Turning the Page August 11, 2011

Filed under: Attentive Wife,Life,Mommy Dearest — MomVersusCareer @ 10:16 am
Tags: , , , , ,

If you’re in a long-distance relationship, I suggest deciding where you’re going to live before you get married. It’s a minor detail.

Two days after Jason and I got married, we moved to Minnesota. It was basically a race to see who got a job first. Jason won, so we moved to St. Cloud, MN. Had I found a job in Indiana first, we would likely be living there.

I don’t regret moving away from my family and my hometown, but adjusting to married life and a new city where we knew only Jason’s brother was difficult for me. Thankfully, we found a church and fostered some great friendships while we lived in St. Cloud. After our daughter Lia was born, I began to feel homesick. I wanted so badly for my family to spend time with her, but the distance made that difficult. Indiana may be only a few states away, but it’s a long drive.

Before Lia’s first birthday, she had pneumonia three times and was hospitalized twice. We had no family nearby to help us during that time, so we decided to move closer to Jason’s family in northwestern Minnesota; Thief River Falls to be exact.

I was less than thrilled about this move, but at the time it seemed like the most logical choice. We needed help and we needed family.

Fast forward four years and nine months to today. To my surprise, our family has flourished here. Jason and I have great jobs. He’s been able to go back to school to pursue his dream. Lia is too smart for her own good and extremely funny and caring. She has had the benefit of living near at least one set of grandparents and a large extended family for most of her life.

It’s great, but…

I’m still homesick. It’s become increasingly difficult to visit my family in Indiana and return to Minnesota without getting misty-eyed during our goodbyes. My parents are coming to visit this weekend. I can’t wait to see them again, but I wish we were going to Indiana with them when they leave.

I’m not sure exactly what I’m homesick for. I like my hometown, but I don’t feel a pull to move back there because of it. I would be okay moving anywhere as long as my family was within an acceptable driving distance.

Maybe I’m not really homesick. Maybe I’m searching for something to fill a void, to meet a need I don’t yet understand.

I’m not sure what I’m searching for or what’s missing from my life, if anything.

I don’t really have a closing for this post. It’s like I just finished a riveting chapter in a book and I’m about to turn the page but have no idea what will happen in the next chapter.

Guess I’ll have to turn the page to find out.

 

 
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